cry – 

every morning when you wake up and wish you didn’t

in breathwork but only when no one’s watching 

when you bury your face in the blanket he was wrapped in

when you hear a baby laugh because you never got to hear his

when the masseuse says “don’t you have a baby at home?”

when the only pregnant woman in your workout class asks to be your partner 

when the pilates instructor asks “how far along are you?”

when you get his footprint tattooed on you as if you could ever possibly forget 

when your friends tell you they’re pregnant 

when your friends tell you they’re sick of their kids 

every week in therapy 

on the acupuncture table because that’s where you used to talk to him when he was in the womb 

after sex with your husband *sob more than cry

every single time you see a young redheaded boy

when a psychic tells you “your son wants you to know he’s happy where he is”

anytime you try to get dressed or look in the mirror because you haven’t forgiven your body for it’s betrayal

every time someone tells you this isn’t something you’ll ever move past

and when your cries turn silent –

bellow from a place deep in your chest every time you miss the weight of him, let the world hear a woman really roar

scream at the steering wheel and be surprised at what comes out, you haven’t met this version of yourself yet

welcome her

become, become, become

-tbrumm