Month: December 2014

Writers block

I just stopped writing. There came a point where it hurt too much to let the pain travel all the way from my heart to my fingertips and on to a page. I didn’t want to dig that deep into myself, leaving a hole I’d inevitably try to fill up again with something or someone I needed to learn to live without. Even if living without them felt like the closest I’ve ever been to dying, it had to be done. So I swallowed my words and held on to my hurt just to know I had something nobody could take away from me.




The thing about sadness is that it follows you wherever you go. It’s a part of you. There’s no bed, no city, no person that can take it out of you and you sure as hell can’t out run it. You have to hold its hand. Wrap yourself in your sadness when your cold, get to know it. Keep it close even when you’re happy. It’ll make everything that much sweeter. Once you’ve grown accustomed to it you’ll grow within it, along side it, and eventually out grow it all together. But you can’t force a square into a circle. It’s a process of transformation. Give it time.


Lost and found

Inspiration comes from living, from getting out of your bed and into a dress you haven’t worn since before you knew love could strip you of so many things. Things like sexy dresses, a sense of humor, and the need for adventure, terrified of what might be at the other end of something as simple as a good laugh. But you find your way back. You find your way to a new restaurant, a new hair cut, to an old view with a new set of eyes. You’ll see new things in old spaces and you’ll realize the world didn’t stop while you holed up to mourn your losses; it kept going. You have to keep going. Go far, go hard, and when you’re feeling really lost, go back to where you started.


Evening rush

I didn’t run into oncoming traffic when he asked me to. He hoped to see me collide with a force stronger than my own, as if me being defeated might make up for all the times he had been defeated by my unsatisfied hunger for something more than what he gave me.